In the orange light I wander,
Wondering why the stars hide.
Held captive in my mind’s eye,
I cannot feel a tear or sigh.
Scintillating visions dance
Darkened by my heart so black.
Blue dreams of seas and skies
Skirt the edges of my vision.
Vivid lights cast an orange glow
Glamoring my scattered thoughts.
These days are painful pleasure
Pleading for more than lavender.
Lavish scents permeate my senses
Sending my thoughts towards orange.
Original virtue reaches for the skies so infinite.
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I walked through the cold air,
Dreaming of sea foam.
Memories, futures, present tensions
Whip past me at alarming speeds.
“Just breathe,
Just breathe,”
That is what they tell me.
I refuse, I die, I crumble inside.
So I step off the curb
Onto the snowy road
Feeling the wind bite at my nose.
Close your eyes, dream-girl,
Wish it away.
Cuddle yourself till your senses drain.
Picture the blue,
Feel the green,
Gaze at the moon,
Be the violet,
Sea foam will save you.
She thought he was her Dionysos,
And she his Ariadne.
Yet there was no sacred marraige.
There was no bond,
Only her love pouring fourth
And he taking it greedily.
Indeed he was her Theseus,
Leaving her for dead.
This was a rare gift indeed.
She opened like a flower in full bloom
Attempting to soak up sun, air, life
Two sides of a coin indeed
Dithyrambic and free.
No Dionysos, no Saint, no love.
breath quickening….how can this be happening?
tears, tears, more tears
just breathe.
count to five
gaze at the face that isn’t there
picture the amber eyes
touch of sadness, touch of love, touch of humility, touch of courage, touch of strength
softly ask him
“Why couldn’t you love me?”
Ariadne screams into the wind
which carries the sound and scatters it into thousands of pieces
Her gaze is wild
her skin caked with sand and salt
hair torn and matted
she screams for the ship
hoping he will turn back
But no, he is not her Dionysos
And she is simply
Ariadne Abandoned.
I may be where there is nowhere to go.
The only thingnear is this foreign atmosphere.
Crawling upwards to the ruins of youth
I shed two salt-free tears.
Moving forward, backward, like rocking a child.
But the child is a song,
The skin worn and cold.
Am I to ride this train forever?
Must I follow the golden light?
Let me find my maker and set things right.
Haze above me and haze below.
I may be where there is nowhere to go.
~
Russian dolls cry out at dawn
For they, too, have been abandoned.
Leaning over the rail as far as I may go,
I see a reflection of the horizon.
No stopping now, movement must continue.
The song will never end inside my head.
Crazed, I curl up in my bed and dream.
I let the haze carry me where it will.
No past, no future, the present ever-changing,
I seek what I cannot know.
Haze above me and haze below.
I may be where there is nowhere to go.
O Zeu, how I’ve missed you!
The storm electrifies my senses, waking me from my despondency.
Days upon days of clouded skies and silent rains nullified me.
Now, at last, Zeus has awakened.
I dance in the rain, singing and laughing,
Wishing this day would never end.
Oh how I miss green and pink and red, yellow, blue….
Not soon enough will the flowers bloom.
Hera is content in her silent slumber,
Knowing the world will grant her everything she desires.
I often wish this contentment would come to me,
Ease my tension, soothe away the hurts.
O Zeu, awaken me! I am ready for your thunder.
Too long has my inner being slept
Wondering when I shall be whole.
Today is a day of excitement.
O Zeu, my gratitude is boundless.
Climbing the fire escape you breathe in smoke.
Beads of sweat fall down your cheek, or are they tears?
Possessions dropping off you, floating down like glitter.
Three stories to go and you change your mind.
Your body ignores you and climbs methodically.
Heat is searing your flesh, your eyes no longer function.
Climbing to get to that fire,
To that place in time
Where everything you once were resides.
But it’s not so.
Branded upon your neck is the icon
That carries you through your days.
Stop climbing and start falling,
Falling down to Earth, to Water, through Air.
Stop yearning for the Fire, you’ve had enough of that.
Dreams will carry you through as they always have.
The world of magic and love and strength and merriment,
This is the real world, the world you’ve created in your mind.
This is where you should be, not yearning for fire.
Stop climbing where you will surely be burned.
Start swimming in the lotus pond,
Gazing at the Moon,
Living,
Loving,
Dreaming.
Stolen slumbers
Plague my days.
Beads of moisture
Slip down my back.
I scratch furiously
At my reddened skin.
Black eyeliner smears
Across my cheekbones.
Muscles tighten,
Never relaxing.
These are a few insomniac things.
Through the window I see nothing,
The pane of glass is in my way.
What lies beyond this threshold?
Are there dreams that have strayed?
I hear noises of the city outside.
I try to guess what is happening.
It’s more fun if I stray from reality
And imagine fantastic occurrences.
A dragon slayed.
A spaceship crashed.
A vampire feeding.
A goddess descending.
These are a few insomniac things.
Do the well-slumbered folk live easier?
Do they find love, happiness, truth?
Is there an underlying secret to the universe
That only the rested know?
Do they live in a world of daydreams as I,
Or do they live in that thing called reality?
I wonder if there really are well-slumbered folk.
Perhaps it is all a lie.
Or maybe they’re all from an alien world.
These are a few insomniac things.
Insomnis.
Such a beautiful word for something so irritating.
Purple lights over silver blankets.
There is beauty in even the tense states.
I need chocolate.
I need hot black tea.
I need a cigarette.
I need cheesecake.
I need sleep.
These are a few insomniac things.
In the throw of tears
Feeling every kind of sorrow for myself,
Doing the menial task of rinsing out dishes,
Trying to find meaning in my life,
I looked up.
Out the window, snow fell.
Something that usually merits my disdain,
Yet my tears dried.
I found myself smiling, laughing.
I had never seen anything so beautiful,
So meaningful,
So light.
What does it all mean?
Perhaps I’m tired of trying to find meaning.
For once I want to enjoy the moment,
Savor the delicacies.
Savor the abhorrent snow.
And perhaps, one day,
Live.
Rain streams down my cheek,
My shoulder.
My head is filled with visions of
My fantasy life.
Twisted metal yearns without respite
For my blood.
My skin grows a film of green
Like my eyes.
I sit and wonder what event shattered
My icy heart.
What is next as I travel around
My hot sun?
All that matters is while I breathe,
I hope.
Dum spiro,
Spero.
Warmth within and the perfect weather without
The breeze gently rubs my hair
My face aches from smiling too much
My heart’s soothed from the friends who are there
Deep blue glass in my hand
The bottle says something about ginseng
Tequila round the block
You were right all along
I was hiding something from you
What you didn’t realize was,
What I didn’t realize was,
The nature of my secret.
Tequila round the block
When I was a young kit
I rode my bike around the block
It was exhilarating, adventurous
My friends lived on the other side
We laughed and hugged and jumped
The freedom entailed seemed larger than it was
Tequila round the block
Walking into a strange party
I always held myself back
But around friends such as these
My heart was never so safe
And yet I hid it still
Afraid of the inevitable
Tequila round the block
My mind swirled in such a mess
I never knew how to act
I loved them all, they loved me
And yet I couldn’t realize it
I was young and naïve
Cliché, but true
Enough use of French
Tequila round the block
Now I’m so happy to have grown
Surrounded by such incredible people
At that time in life one becomes their own
A tinge of guilt always amasses
And yet I knew no better
Wisdom now penetrates me
Though living the ideal is the trick
I’m still that young blonde girl
In myriad ways
Tequila round the block
Reminiscence is such a beautiful sound,
Taste, touch, scent, and sight
I was loved unconditionally
By my urban family, my Stars
And I loved them unconditionally
Though I was never able to show it
I love them still
Tequila round the block
One more trip and I’ll be stumbling
But I feel so alive and safe
There is no danger, no malice
Just laughter and love
One more trip and I’ll be slurring
But I feel so confident and serene
This is a time I’ll always remember
A time when I was free
Tequila round the block
