5/15/2012
I created the name Oneira in connection with a series of fantasy novels I have been working on for years. The -e ending, in Classical Greek, is possessive, thus making this site titled “Oneira’s”. The Oneiroi in Greek mythology are dream deities (oneiros being a dream). I simply turned the word into a feminine name. Another spelling I use is Onara (from onar, a related word for dream) though I have tried to abandon that spelling over the years.
Dream. Much can be learned from dreams. Much can be experienced in dreams. I feel as if we learn just as much from our dream life as we do our physical life. I have known love, friendship, death, fame, pain, adventure, fear, and many more things in my dreams. I am in love with dreams, with my dream world. It is a world outside of this world and yet wholly a part of it. It is this inner world where Erica Rea the writer lives, where she breathes and feeds.
I was once obssessed with accomplishment. Then my body and mind worked together to slow me down. I developed an anxiety disorder. It certainly does appear to be genetic, but the best diagnosis I had for why it took over my life in 2006 was that “it was a result from cumulative stress over time.” That ‘episode’ started as early as November 2005, though undiagnosed until the following March, and last well into the year 2007. During that time I quit graduate school (Classical and Near Eastern Studies) and for the third time had to reset my life. Quitting school did a lot for my condition, a further testament to the theory that I was putting myself through too much stress. I was pushing myself, expecting too much. I continued to improve until sometime in 2008 when my hold on life began to slip again. This second episode, or relapse, seemed to be an aftershock of the first. Perhaps I slipped into my usual stressful self? I cannot say for certain what brought it on initially, but in that time I lost a relationship and that pushed me over the edge yet again. I recall having panic attacks in October and perhaps earlier. By the time December hit and my relationship crashed I was deep into another episode. This one didn’t last as long, probably because I knew the steps to take to heal myself. In April 2009 I began to see progress and by the end of the summer I was back to where I was in 2007. I still have problems, but they are no longer debilitating, no linger controlling my life.
As a consequence I am trying to live as low-stress a life as possible. Of course it is impossible to live without stress, especially someone like me who is naturally stressed about everything, but I try. I have had to let go of my grandiose notion of accomplishment. I certainly do accomplish things, but I no longer push myself to worry doing so. Will I return to school? I don’t know. Certainly not right now, but who knows what the future will bring. Will I return to a life of music? Will I finish my novels soon? Will I choose a new field of employment to rise to the top? Will I start my own family? Will I lose weight? Will I continue learnng ancient languauges? Will I keep reading hundreds of books a year? Will I start teaching again? Will I…….
No. It’s exhausting. While I am still too hard on myself I try to let go, to be, to exist. I close my eyes and begin to dream. After all, that is what started my stressful life to begin with. A little girl with too many dreams wanting to accomplish every one of them. I want to take a moment to remind that little girl that I was a professional singer for 8 years. I was an archaeologist in Israel one year. I taught at a University. I finished rough drafts of 3 novels years ago. I stood in the Mediterranean and atop a pyramid in Israel. I have loved. I have laughed. At various times I have pursued paths of fun, beauty, religion, music, literature, and scholarship.
Little dream girl, you have done alright. You have accomplished so much at only the age of 33. It is time to stop worrying. It is time ro stop stressing yourself out over this notion of accomplishment. Just close your eyes and enjoy the dream.
~Erica
On Facebook (though you might want to tell me who you are if you request my friendship): http://www.facebook.com/erica.rea
Some other photography and photo manipulations of mine can be found at: http://onara.deviantart.com , though I haven’t updated it in awhile.
